I will respect my limits.
An email series on boundaries and assertiveness.
Hi, friend.
I hope you’re doing well this week.
Anything exciting going on? Anything you could use some prayer over?
Write me back and let me know!
This week is a bit different. Rather than just one email on Tuesday, each day this week, I’ll be sending you a resource on setting boundaries or learning to be more assertive with your communication. After posting this TikTok video on boundaries, I heard from several of you who are struggling, and I’d really like to help.
So let’s start by learning to respect your limits.
Premium subscribers can listen to this letter by clicking the button below:
I Will Respect My Limits
As a person with mental illness, I find that there is so much I can’t control: a panic attack in the middle of a workday, the fog of depression on a beautiful Saturday morning in the summer.
But I can always control how I take care of myself. I can respect my limits, fight distraction, and focus on recovery.
Before my suicide attempt, I was addicted to connection.
Phone, text, email, social media, blogging, radio: you name it, I was there. I had no clue what boundaries were or how they applied to my life. But on the psych ward, I couldn’t have my cell phone, and there were specific times of the week that I could call my approved “safe people.” I was only allowed to engage with my support system during those days.
The policy helped me reconnect with my true self.
For most of my life, I had operated by the belief that I needed to be accessible to everyone at all times. I said yes to any project or person I thought would give me a feeling of importance (earning me at one point the sadly accurate moniker “attention whore” from a friend of mine). Zero boundaries and constant busyness meant zero connection and presence with the people who mattered most to me.
After my suicide attempt, I accepted my limitations and my need to say no.
I have learned that boundaries protect us and point us toward the people and things that truly matter. Now I decline more projects than I accept. I have learned to choose only activities that add value to my life, my marriage, or my family. I have learned to say no. And I’m happier than I have ever been.
After learning to set healthy boundaries, I then needed to learn respect for my physical limits.
This includes prioritizing and cultivating things like uninterrupted sleep, good nutrition, unstructured time, and time with my family and friends. Self-care means not staying up all hours of the night to binge on my favorite show or read just one more chapter. I find that when I’m tired, my symptoms are worse.
I’ve also learned to practice better eating.
Instead of making excuses for why I can’t make healthier choices, I take my nutrition seriously. I don’t skip meals anymore, as low blood sugar intensifies anxiety. I have found that my productivity at work has increased and my overall mood and sense of wellbeing is much better. Now I eat with the goal of getting the most out of my day.
It’s hard to take care of myself, acknowledge my limits, and make my health a priority, but it’s worth the fight.
I’m fighting for the people I love. And I’m fighting against whatever tries to put my focus on anything that doesn’t support me and make me better. Fight for your own life, because life is worth living.
Challenge:
Many religious traditions include the practice of a day of rest and worship once a week. Many therapists and coaches suggest the same thing. Whether you are part of a religious tradition or not, consider giving yourself twenty-four hours as a rest from work this week. Try to set aside an entire day, during which you do as little work as possible. Bonus points if you reply to this email after practicing this for the first time. I’d love to know what you discovered!
Tomorrow, I’ll be sending you my “Power of No” workbook, and we’ll continue our conversation on boundaries. Be sure to check your email.
I’m in your corner,
Steve
P.S. DON’T FORGET! Registration for my 9-week group coaching program, Pathway to Peace, ends this Thursday, 4/1. Details and sign up here. There are just 8 spaces remaining!